ļ»æAnd if you're in a deep dark spot, especially if in dark night of the soul, you know exactly what I'm talking about when you're that hermit stuck in the prison of your mind. And I thought that the way out is to defeat the monster, to defeat Freddy Cougar, trying to defeat the negative thoughts in your head only creates more negative thoughts, especially when you don't win.
This is your invitation to become the alchemist of your life. You decode your heaven on earth and go through the alchemical process. The alchemist is a master of himself so that he can master life. People thought alchemists were turning lead into gold, but they're really crystallizing their soul into form.
Alchemize your golden potential. Welcome to the golden life. Welcome to the golden life. My name is David and I'm here to help you become the alchemist of your own life so that you can create as much inner and outer gold as possible. And this show is especially for you if you know what it feels like to have an insurmountable inner critic that feels like it is shackling you with guilt, with shame, and or fear.
And today, I'm going to share the story of how I defeated my inner monster or dragon or inner critic and how you can do the same. And if you're in the dark night of the soul, if you're in a deep dark spot mentally, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to have all those negative thoughts in your head, to feel like there's no way out.
and, and truly feel like you're lost in a deep dark forest. I want you to know that there is a way out and then you can overcome and transcend and find the peace, the happiness, the light, the presence that you could step into after you do. And I'm going to share the story of a tattoo I have. Okay. And then another episode I shared the story of my whole sleeve here that as I went throughout life, it told the whole story of alchemy.
But today we're going to talk about the first part, which for the listeners is a night standing confidently with this shield down and there's a massive dragon in the background, probably a hundred times this size. And this tattoo started when I was in my dark night of the soul. I was going to college in Pasadena.
I was living by myself for the first couple of years. All I had was my beautiful, awesome black lab, uh, named it Mia. It was my ride or die during that moment. And I had my friends at school, but otherwise I'd go home and work. And I was in a dark, mental place. And it got to the point that I thought I had a demon in my head.
Now, I call them Freddy Cougar. Cause that's what it felt like. He would just jump in at random moments and steal my presence. It would have all these critical things to say about me. He would just whisper negative thoughts all the time and being already introverted, it made me go even more introverted where I did not feel safe to fully open up to others.
And because I didn't fully open up to others and I was introverted, I didn't make as many friends and then I went into this negative spiral of trying to do it all on my own. And if you're in a deep dark spot, especially if in dark night of the soul, you know exactly what I'm talking about when you're that hermit stuck in the prison of your mind.
And I thought that the way out is to defeat the monster. To defeat Freddy Cougar. So I drew up this image using the St. Michael tattoo or not the St. Michael tattoo, but using St. Michael, the classic picture of him about to kill the demon below him, giving them the final blow. And this tattoo was going to be my declaration to the world that I'm going to defeat this inner monster.
And I learned throughout the years that that only gives them more power. Trying to defeat the negative thoughts in your head only creates more negative thoughts, especially when you don't win. But what was interesting is when I went back home, cause I went to the tattoo artists in Pasadena, I was like, here I have this image, I want to do this.
He was like, dude, that's not going to look good. The way his hand is up with the sword on your forearm, forearm is going to be all curved. Um, I really don't recommend it. You know, actually like, I'm not even going to put my name on this, so I'm not even going to do it for you. And I was like, damn. I was kind of butthurt actually, like, what?
I was so excited about this tattoo, I drew it up, I put my initials on the shield, I customized it, uh, but still had a good story to tell, and I went home and I meditated on it, and it was interesting, the vision that came up. It's what I have today. It's a knight, the same exact knight, but he's confidently holding his sword, and his shield is on the ground.
And I don't really know the, I didn't really know what that meant, but it was just like this vision I got from now I know my higher self. And on the other side, instead of a demon, it was the monster of the internal dragon, but a dragon so big that you would never really be able to defeat it. And this really made sense.
Later on, when I started to uncover my personal legend, which I shared in another episode, and I was reading The Idiot's Guide, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Alchemy. Now, don't judge a book by its cover, uh, but I was going through this, and let me find the page. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Oh man, there is so many nuggets in alchemy.
Sorry, I get distracted and I get fascinated every time I open this book and learn about alchemy. Uh, but it talks about the dragons of spiritual alchemy. The first step in spiritual alchemy is to seek out the dragon. And I'm paraphrasing here. The dragon represents the chaotic matrix of nature of which our lives are part.
Dragons derive their power from the primordial first matter from which all things spring. To alchemists, the dragon represents boundless, unstructed energy and the primordial life force. An old alchemical saying advises, I can't speak Latin so I won't even try, to face the dragon is to seize life. Facing the dragon occurs during the black phase of alchemy.
Accepting the dragon as part of our lives is difficult for most people. The dragon is the underlaying chaos in our lives. Our culture and our bodies. That is part of the unknown part of the dark side of the universe. Spiritual leaders from prehistoric shamans to Buddha to Christ all begun their spiritual journey by realizing how much chaos and suffering is in the world.
Once you muster the courage to face the dragon, you can do nothing but accept it. Surrendering to the dragon begins during the white phase of alchemy. And during this stage of purification you must acknowledge both the chaotic powers in the world and also the chaos within yourself. Part of this purification is the realization that the dragon is never all good or all bad.
You have to suspend judgment to accept the powers of nature and realize that the universe is not just about you and your comfort. A greater pattern exists and the energy of the dragon is what fulfills it.
And I'll fast forward a little bit to the last paragraph of the section that says, oddly, the real trick to unleashing the dragon is not to confront it, but to disappear before it notices you. Be still the alchemist's advice, rest in the arms of the dragon. And spiritual alchemy, if you can quietly merge with the primal energies of the universe, the dragon's power will follow the light of your mind.
And a lot of that is a topic for deeper discussion, but it really highlights the path to getting over the inner critic. Where if you try to fight it, you're actually trying to fight your unconscious. The part that is beyond your subconscious that is this force of chaos that you can never defeat. Just like men can never truly defeat the power of nature, you're not going to win the battle of your unconscious.
But what can you do? You can learn to stand courageously to it. And this negative thoughts and the inner critic Often grow stronger if you have some deep mental emotional wounds, right? If you went through a challenging experience as a kid, I know for me, I had my parents divorced at a really young age.
It let me feel not worthy. Let me feel powerlessness, voiceless, abandoned. It created a lot of very deep wounds. And then I had something else happen later on that added to that. And then I lost my father at the age of 11. And then I had a whole nother series of events after that into the 20s for the dark night of the soul from getting back surgery when my whole life was about soccer and that all gave fuel.
These mental and emotional wounds gives your inner critic fuel to have more to try to use against you. Now, having been on this journey for some time, I found it really helpful to understand how our minds work. Because You will never get rid of negative thoughts. But when you realize how the mind works, you realize they actually serve a purpose for you.
And you realize our brains are evolved to focus on two things, right? Fears and goals, pain or pleasure, you know, get away from pain, seek pleasure, but more specifically, get away from fear, aka survival. Help you survive and focus on moving forward. But what has more weight? The fear, because our brains have evolved over time to help us survive.
Therefore, in the deepest part of our brains, it is helping us scan the environment for threats so that it can do its job. And when you realize that you're like, Oh, wait, my brain. Is working for me, that's its job to look out for threats to help me stay alive so that I can continue living and then you stack on top of that, that we also have society that tells you you're less than in certain areas, right?
And you are conditioned by the belief systems of society of whatever culture you were raised in. Yeah. So, you come to realize that you go through life with unconscious patterns that are subconsciously controlling you. Because if you never bring to your awareness the pattern or the fact that your brain is wired for survival, well, you're always going to just naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain.
And if you have deep mental or emotional wounds You're going to continuously avoid that. So this is why the process of healing those mental or emotional wounds will bring to your awareness the deeper patterns that just help you get by in life that weren't conscious. But as you do that, you take away the power from your inner critic, the fuel for your inner critic.
So as you start to heal those mental and emotional wounds. You can also start to practice a growth mindset. And this is the idea that a growth mindset is practicing the perspective that every situation is an opportunity to grow. That you have the ability, especially today, to access all the knowledge of the human collective.
Right? With the power of AI, by the fact of you watching this, you now have Uh, you know, have the ability to look, uh, you know, have the ability to open your phone and ask the AI gods, I just like to call them the AI gods, uh, anything that you wish and you will get an answer. So we live in the future. In the time of possibility and you have all the knowledge that you need.
It's just about learning how to put it in action. But if you don't acknowledge the subconscious patterns or belief systems that created you, you're not going to have the behaviors that will lead to the actions to create the life that you want, but you have the ability and you can shift your default mode programming of your mind, right?
Survival based watch out for fears too. a growth mindset. I have the ability to grow in every situation. Even the challenging situations I can learn and I can find a way to get better. If I wasn't great at one thing that doesn't put me in a limited box that I will be like that forever. No, with enough time, energy, and attention, I can start to overcome this.
And another reframe is you could see it as your inner coach or your inner critic. Right. It's a simple exercise to ask yourself, what would my inner coach say? Cause my inner critic is going to say, Oh, you're not great at that. Uh, for myself, when I was five, my parents divorced. And if you know, like at a young age, it just rocks your world.
And I have a memory of me running off and kicking and screaming and yelling at both my parents and it did nothing. And this sense of powerlessness like washed over me as well as voicelessness. And the fact that I'm here sharing and podcasts, sharing in a video form and using my voice, it would have been so easy in the past for my inner critic to be like, you can't do that.
You will never be good at that. You can never talk in front of people. And now I've found myself doing this on a consistent basis, but that was through the process of developing the inner coach to say my past doesn't determine my future. And then I spent some time and kind of dissected the pathways, the process I went through to get to where I am now.
And I realized that it comes down to awareness, Questioning, empower, reinforce. So once again, aware, question, empower, reinforce. And this is the process of becoming aware of your thoughts and then question or challenge. So you could visualize yourself. The fact that you have an inner kingdom, you are in control of 75 trillion cells, and you can be just like the knight on my tattoo, stand confidently, just as a knight would stand in front of his kingdom, and question, are these thoughts worthy of entering my mental kingdom?
The question is no, you just let that thought disappear. The question is yes. Okay, you allow that into your inner verse, your inner mind, and then you empower yourself. With the growth mindset with I can learn and overcome with enough time or the inner coach and then you Reinforce this loop and if you do this consistently Dedicate yourself to this you are going to transcend the Default mode of your brain as well as the inner critic the inner monster the inner demon Whatever it feels like for you and you can start to live a life where you're empowered with a newfound sense of peace, of presence, of confidence.
And then there's another level to truly transcend the process of awakening. But that's a story of another day. So if you really want to continue to live with the monsters in your head, then you can embrace being a coward. But if you want to break free, Then realize this is the path. Become aware. Question.
Empower. Reinforce. See yourself as the ability to step into the confident night in front of your kingdom and choose what will be allowed in. So, thank you. And if this stirred something inside of you, if you got a golden insight, please share it in the comments below, or you can reach out directly, but also send it to somebody if you know they're in that deep, dark mental spot.
So if this stirred something in you and you got something out of this episode, please hit subscribe, hit the like button, show your support and feel free to share your golden insight that you got in the comments below or in the review section. This is how we help other people. If you know somebody who's in a deep dark spot, you can share this episode with them because I know If I could look back to that time and I heard a podcast or saw a video of somebody who said, I've been where you are right now.
Don't worry. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It would have given me that much more confidence that I was going to break through and that I was not cursed to live with this monster in my mind for the rest of my life. So thank you for watching and stay golden. And I also want you to know if you need help going deeper to unpack to bring to light those unconscious patterns that are maybe holding you down or keeping you in a state of stuckness or self sabotage.
I do offer a breakthrough your mental BS deep dive session where I help you do just that. I help you reflect back your story so that you could see those challenging moments and how you created unconscious behavior adaptations. And then I'll help you start to step out of that and give you a lot more tools along the way.
So if you could use more help, just check out the link below.
